Three consecutive evenings this week between 6 & 9 PM we've had power interruptions. That's often the time we have supper cooking, showers/baths and bonding time. Its thrown us off guard but we've made the best of candlelight evenings and take out or sandwiches.
Bed time has been moved much earlier and there's real bonding as all electronics are dead. Phones, tablets included. We have just us. Little Fadhili found my lap and plonked his lovely self there. I had little option but to rock him to sleep in absolute silence. I can absorb his smell and hear his breathing. He can hear my heart beat he knows intimately.
God in all His splendour and power and holiness sits in His throne. Hes not dashing madly about clucking about dishes and planting and missing socks and fleas on the dog. He's seated o His throne.
His lap is available 24/7 for us
His loving arms ready to wrap us
His heart beats for us
We are His own
He is our Father
In the silence, in the darkness, in the stillness He awaits us
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Strength To Soar
We were packed tightly on the back seat of the minivan. It was quite a feat given we are well endowed. Three women, absolutely new to each other connected in 20 minutes on the bus ride; our common denominator; to not quit.
We didn't have time to exchange names nor contacts but we weren't the same after we parted ways after the short ride from Kencom and Community.
The lady on my left was 65 and looked 48. The lady on my right was 55 and had endured 2 back surgeries, burying her husband and carrying on the mantle.
We were all together at the exact moment in time today clutching onto hope for a solid future for our children and we were doing our best in our capacity, knowledge and strength to see it through. No coincidence if I was asked. If we don't who will.
I was reminded of women who taught me what strength is. In the flower farms of Naivasha, tales akin to horror stories landed in my lap for the reason they were my ward in the capacity of my job.
At the crack of dawn, some of the women workers would leave their one month old babies at baby care because that's what they could afford. The law had not been changed to extend maternity leave to 3 months then. The attendants at baby care, to cope with the numbers, sedated the children. Many were malnourished, some died.
Miscarriages in the over 40 degree centigrade multi million dollars green houses, working on highly toxic flowers of which they had no idea that they ended up sitting pretty on table tops several kilometres away.
Tears are beginning to well up as I remember the smiles and humility these women worked with. How they laughed at my poor kiswahili, yet were far from their real families living in squalid conditions with little to eat just to earn a living and send some money home.
Their strength fires me up again, is the wind beneath my wings to soar. A tribute to all the strong women who don't whine about a chipped nail or air conditioning or a slipped disc or a mastectomy that saw her husband leave while in hospital.
We behind you will be strong and complete the journey you taught us well to finish strong with joy and peace and above all on our knees in prayer.
We didn't have time to exchange names nor contacts but we weren't the same after we parted ways after the short ride from Kencom and Community.
The lady on my left was 65 and looked 48. The lady on my right was 55 and had endured 2 back surgeries, burying her husband and carrying on the mantle.
We were all together at the exact moment in time today clutching onto hope for a solid future for our children and we were doing our best in our capacity, knowledge and strength to see it through. No coincidence if I was asked. If we don't who will.
I was reminded of women who taught me what strength is. In the flower farms of Naivasha, tales akin to horror stories landed in my lap for the reason they were my ward in the capacity of my job.
At the crack of dawn, some of the women workers would leave their one month old babies at baby care because that's what they could afford. The law had not been changed to extend maternity leave to 3 months then. The attendants at baby care, to cope with the numbers, sedated the children. Many were malnourished, some died.
Miscarriages in the over 40 degree centigrade multi million dollars green houses, working on highly toxic flowers of which they had no idea that they ended up sitting pretty on table tops several kilometres away.
Tears are beginning to well up as I remember the smiles and humility these women worked with. How they laughed at my poor kiswahili, yet were far from their real families living in squalid conditions with little to eat just to earn a living and send some money home.
Their strength fires me up again, is the wind beneath my wings to soar. A tribute to all the strong women who don't whine about a chipped nail or air conditioning or a slipped disc or a mastectomy that saw her husband leave while in hospital.
We behind you will be strong and complete the journey you taught us well to finish strong with joy and peace and above all on our knees in prayer.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Come Here Child
She held my hands in hers and with a steady gaze said `I am so happy for you that its all worked out`
Something shifted inside my heart
I knew from the depths of my heart she sincerely meant it
But how could I tell my friend of many years the truth without disillusioning her?
Could I tell her I was afraid and hardly slept? That my kids were often sick? Could I tell her all this and more and break her heart?
The tears could hardly make it to the bus. The conductor didn't bother to ask me for my fare until the bus ride was almost over.
I lay down on the floor of the house after I dropped my bags and locked the door.
I wept like I had not wept for years
I wept for me
More so I wept for mum
If mum was alive, it would have broken her heart to know a fraction of what I was going through
She would have cried so deeply
I was trying so hard to be brave. To be strong
She never would have asked me to
She would have solved it
She would have opened her arms and said `Ciiru, come here.`
Too many of us have lost the way
We're struggling, fighting
What would have our departed ones wished of our lives today
Are we anywhere near honouring what they would have wished for us
What they taught us
What would God say
What does God feel about where you are today
Does it break His heart to see you struggle so
Does it break his heart to see you hurt so
He never asked you to
He's got it covered
He will wipe your tears and open His arms wide
And say `Child, come here `
Something shifted inside my heart
I knew from the depths of my heart she sincerely meant it
But how could I tell my friend of many years the truth without disillusioning her?
Could I tell her I was afraid and hardly slept? That my kids were often sick? Could I tell her all this and more and break her heart?
The tears could hardly make it to the bus. The conductor didn't bother to ask me for my fare until the bus ride was almost over.
I lay down on the floor of the house after I dropped my bags and locked the door.
I wept like I had not wept for years
I wept for me
More so I wept for mum
If mum was alive, it would have broken her heart to know a fraction of what I was going through
She would have cried so deeply
I was trying so hard to be brave. To be strong
She never would have asked me to
She would have solved it
She would have opened her arms and said `Ciiru, come here.`
Too many of us have lost the way
We're struggling, fighting
What would have our departed ones wished of our lives today
Are we anywhere near honouring what they would have wished for us
What they taught us
What would God say
What does God feel about where you are today
Does it break His heart to see you struggle so
Does it break his heart to see you hurt so
He never asked you to
He's got it covered
He will wipe your tears and open His arms wide
And say `Child, come here `
Creature of the Wild
she never knew walls to surround her
she never had a roof to protect her
a door to let in and out friends and enemies
she lived in the wild and looked over her shoulder for predators
she needed to trudge on
for now in the wild was her offspring born to depend on her
she was going to survive till her time came
she had walked into a few caves searching for comfort
searching for rest
but many times she had been mauled by the creatures of the lair
often they disguised themselves
and in the dead of the night when she least expected,the pounced on her
she had scars to prove it
she didn't like caves even when it was pouring hard outside
they stifled her
and if she did walk in
she would have her foot at the mouth of the cave
ready to leave at the slightest movement
there always had to be a way out
its what she knew best
for she was a creature of the wild
she never had a roof to protect her
a door to let in and out friends and enemies
she lived in the wild and looked over her shoulder for predators
she needed to trudge on
for now in the wild was her offspring born to depend on her
she was going to survive till her time came
she had walked into a few caves searching for comfort
searching for rest
but many times she had been mauled by the creatures of the lair
often they disguised themselves
and in the dead of the night when she least expected,the pounced on her
she had scars to prove it
she didn't like caves even when it was pouring hard outside
they stifled her
and if she did walk in
she would have her foot at the mouth of the cave
ready to leave at the slightest movement
there always had to be a way out
its what she knew best
for she was a creature of the wild
Hearts Desire
She hadn’t tasted the sweetness of His love. Like many of us, she longed for love but didn’t know she would need the love that would quench this longing in the depth of us.
Love is just an innate need. Not just superficial, earthly, human love; something more than that.
Her need resounded like many of ours. We wash it in down in alcohol, fancy clothes, cars, our children our husbands, drugs, our so called passions. Yet the vacuum lies there like a gaping hole that needs to be filled.
She couldn’t by her own strength. We cannot fill that gaping hole by our own strength. There must be more to life than all this, she said. But there were no forth coming answers so she said she would end the struggle that made no sense.
And here started Gods rehearsal to strengthen my heart muscles. Needed to stretch them for the real thing. My heart was stretched to limits I never knew. I knew that the love she was looking for was hers for free but no talking, no threatening, nothing could convince her of the goodness, the truth, the depth of His love.
He said this was His to teach us all, not just me what love is. All of us, thus I share this story.
60 plus sleeping tablets, best team of nurses and doctors and 48 hours later, she was up and about but dissatisfied she failed with the attempt on her life. No. She was angry she had failed.
But we were thanking God for yet another miracle on her life; she had made it . All indications were it was a full fledged battle not in the realm as we know it. So nothing physical we did could do much here.
He said let Me take over here.
And life went on. School, work, kids, traffic. At the back of our minds we knew it’s not over yet but we weren’t ready for what came next.
They say it was just a cut on her leg that caused it but now the battle had gone full fledged. In a week her blood was poisoned enough to have her readmitted in serious condition. She found out God is not through with her so she let out a cry for help.
He answered.
3 days later a stranger at her bedside told her, the battle is over and He has it in control. Could she believe He loves her with a love beyond all? She said she did. She rested.
The battle ended and begun the knowledge and experience of Gods love; in His bossom. Her hearts desire to understand love fulfilled.
Even now, dear friend, my tears fall with love for you,
Tears for the pain that you must have felt,
Tears for the joy that you are free
Tears of joy that you are in the arms of the definition of love
Tears in the fact that we didn't grow old together
Tears of gratitude and reverence of you Lord.
Rest my friend in the blossom of Love. You got a first class ticket to heaven on the express train. Keep room for us, meanwhile, we'll let your shine here on earth.
All He Has Is Money
He is so poor. All he has is money. Anonymous
Real wealth lies in understanding real wealth lies in virtues such as kindness, trust, love. Not in the buildings or farms we own
We should be pursuing more to seek and expand these virtues because these are things that really count at the end of the day. Those before all else
What value is it to have all the wealth one could ever dream of but have children who do not known love because it is not a priority to express or experience love? If our kids cannot go out into the world and show love, the true currency of life, what's the point of having kids?
What's the value to boast of marriage when partners are bitter and unhappy when they were joined in marriage with the focus to draw from each other and at the end of the day be better people? Or what was the point of marriage?
Being 40+ we start to ask ourselves what does this really count for? It cannot be about just making it everyday, every month, every season . Every second should count to be happy, fulfilled and leave those around us enriched.
I believe we innately known this and the struggles we have within and without ourselves are a reflection of this. It takes tremendous courage to face these challenges in the face and deal with them.
But we walk away stronger when we love with sincerity and empathise, rather than apologize to end a misunderstanding quickly.
We walk away happier to say with sincerity you appreciate your spouse than seek their faults.
We find freedom when we forgive deeply and forget rather than have endless cold wars and exchange words,
Not quitting on what we started. Believing completely is what we need to do, in what we started. Believing in ourselves, in our spouses, our kids, in humanity sincerely as profound, special creations. With the humble appreciation we are all flawed. None greater nor lesser than the other.
Love wins the day
Love of self
Love of others
Love of God
That's all we are going to walk away from this life with; Love
Real wealth lies in understanding real wealth lies in virtues such as kindness, trust, love. Not in the buildings or farms we own
We should be pursuing more to seek and expand these virtues because these are things that really count at the end of the day. Those before all else
What value is it to have all the wealth one could ever dream of but have children who do not known love because it is not a priority to express or experience love? If our kids cannot go out into the world and show love, the true currency of life, what's the point of having kids?
What's the value to boast of marriage when partners are bitter and unhappy when they were joined in marriage with the focus to draw from each other and at the end of the day be better people? Or what was the point of marriage?
Being 40+ we start to ask ourselves what does this really count for? It cannot be about just making it everyday, every month, every season . Every second should count to be happy, fulfilled and leave those around us enriched.
I believe we innately known this and the struggles we have within and without ourselves are a reflection of this. It takes tremendous courage to face these challenges in the face and deal with them.
But we walk away stronger when we love with sincerity and empathise, rather than apologize to end a misunderstanding quickly.
We walk away happier to say with sincerity you appreciate your spouse than seek their faults.
We find freedom when we forgive deeply and forget rather than have endless cold wars and exchange words,
Not quitting on what we started. Believing completely is what we need to do, in what we started. Believing in ourselves, in our spouses, our kids, in humanity sincerely as profound, special creations. With the humble appreciation we are all flawed. None greater nor lesser than the other.
Love wins the day
Love of self
Love of others
Love of God
That's all we are going to walk away from this life with; Love
Silent Equilibrium
Silent enough to hear the plants grow
The shadows merge
The stars twinkle
silent enough to hear your own heart beat
your every breath
your spirit settle
silent enough to hear the promises He made ring true in your spirit and nothing will shake your resolve on the truth of His Word
in silent praise our souls soar in gratitude
in worship of who You are
Whom you've been
Who you'll be
In the silence there's equilibrium
There's a intertwining of Gods soul and ours; however best possible of this Mighty yet loving God
Psalms 46:10
Be still and know that I am God
The shadows merge
The stars twinkle
silent enough to hear your own heart beat
your every breath
your spirit settle
silent enough to hear the promises He made ring true in your spirit and nothing will shake your resolve on the truth of His Word
in silent praise our souls soar in gratitude
in worship of who You are
Whom you've been
Who you'll be
In the silence there's equilibrium
There's a intertwining of Gods soul and ours; however best possible of this Mighty yet loving God
Psalms 46:10
Be still and know that I am God
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